So first of all, I’ve decided to start something where I name everyone I talk about here on my blog with a plant, whether that be flower, tree or herb. I love nature and I can sort of give different plant names depending on how much I like them. I don’t know, I just thought it was kind of cool! Keep in mind that some of them might be a bit weird.
Recently (last night actually) a guy called…Larch confessed to Kay (I won’t be changing her name) that he had a crush on her. And of course, being best friends and all, she told us immediately.
She ended up turning him down because she didn’t want to date anyone and he was heartbroken.
I know that I should feel happy for her, that someone likes her for who she is and the things he said were so cute! I’ve had a crush on you since the first time I saw you, I don’t even know why. There’s just that one thing about you. Sounds cliche, I know but who WOULDN’T want someone to say something like that to them?
As I said, I should feel really happy for her right now but I don’t. I find myself feeling JEALOUS. Jealous of my best friend who just got an amazing confidence booster and gained an even closer friendship with Larch.
But still, I’m jealous.
I’m jealous of how she gets to feel loved and wanted and like she belongs. Jealous of she is beautiful and gets told it by someone else. Jealous of her personality and how like-able she is. She’s literally perfect and I feel like I’m nothing compared to her.
All I can think is ‘Why does no one feel this way about me?’ ‘Why doesn’t the guy who I actually like (Fern maybe? Even though it’s meant to be a girls name) and have done so for 2 years with no recognition?’ It just doesn’t seem…fair. And I know it’s not right to accuse Kay of making it unfair for me but it just seems like I don’t matter and I’m not good enough so why do I even bother?
She doesn’t like Larch in that way and then she gets asked out by him.
And then there’s me, crushing on Fern for 2 years, liking him so much it physically hurts when he gets off the bus before me.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest.