First of all, some exciting news. Well, for me anyway.
Kay got a boyfriend!
He’s really sweet and super nice so I’m really happy for her.
But anyway, onto what this blog post is really about.
So on the bus, there is a guy, as you may know, that I USED to have a crush on. Yes USED TO. Well this is a very recent event as it happened only about, hm…maybe two hours ago?
Anyway, my reason for this is because he said some things to me that I really did NOT like.
Let me write this out for you.
As recalled above, Kay has a boyfriend who has a friend who I happened to have a crush on. Said ex-crush was wearing long vans socks with blue nike runners. I made a small comment saying ‘wow, how very fuckboy of you.’ This comment was not a direct insult towards this guy, I was just making a joke and being sarcastic. Obviously he did not see it that way. He continued to make snark comments that were actually quite hurtful.
Comment number 1:
‘Yeah well, you’re such a slut.’
No. No. No.
My initial first thoughts were ‘okay, well maybe he’s joking. After all, I like this guy because he’s nice and funny. So of course he wouldn’t say anything like this to me.’
Oh how wrong I was.
Comment number 2:
‘Just go jump off a cliff.’
Okay, so maybe my initial thoughts were wrong.
DON’T MAKE THESE KINDS OF COMMENTS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU COULD BE SAYING!
If you don’t get what I mean by this then I’ll give you a few examples.
If my mum was divorced and had been sleeping with multiple men, had had children with one night stands and had some sort of STD. That comment of calling me a slut could’ve made me see myself so differently, I could’ve started comparing myself to my mum and thought that I was a slut too and would end up like her.
I had had bad experiences with boyfriends and men in the past so I already thought of myself as a slut and this comment just reassured me.
I had been suicidal for ages and was already planning to kill myself sometime so telling me to jump off a cliff just made me think I should do it more.
I will tell you now that example 3 is partially true.
In the car I was just thinking of what had happened and all these things started rushing into my head. Like maybe he’s right, maybe I should just jump off a cliff because obviously no one needs me and he’s confirmed that. And maybe people do see me as a slut. Maybe I am one. Sometimes I feel like one so maybe he’s right.
All I could think was how right it seemed to just commit suicide, to get it over and done with. Because this guy who I thought was the most perfect, sweet, funny, caring, kind, magical person in the world is now shoving that all in my face and telling me to go and end my life.
I really, really hate society.
Think about what you’re saying before you say it. Do you really know the words that are leaving your mouth? Or do you just see the outer layers? Words can mean a thousand things, make yours do good in the world.