G’day mates! Happy Straya day!
Oh I’m sorry, are you unaware of what I’m talking about? Are you extremely uncultured and just don’t care about countries other than your own? What’s that? Oh you want to know more about Australia Day? Well I guess I can fill you in then.
Yes, that time of year has come round again where Australians far and wide dress in yellow and green or blue, white and red to celebrate the day our wonderful country came to be. The cricket is pumping on every tv, beaches are packed to the brim and barbies are burning in every household.
In case you are not from this bloody great country and are unaware of the wonderful yearly celebrations of straya day, let me give you some background story.
*old man voice* the year was 1788, and on the 26th of January the first fleet – coming from Great Britain – landed in New South Wales. The convicts were brought onto dry land (by the way thanks a whole bloody lot for dumping your rapists and thieves on our land, u.k, much appreciated) and Captain Arthur Phillip raised the Union Jack (flag shown below) in Sydney cove. The raising of this flag signaled the beginning of a colony. In 1818, Governor Macquarie announced the day to be a public holiday and so it became this wondrous thing that we still celebrate to this day.
Did you enjoy being cultured with me? I hope so because this is the best country ever (shut up Americans, yes I can hear you all booing through the screen, but let us have the title for once) and everyone should know as much as they can about the country that will one day rule the world. We might need to get a better prime minister first though (oh did I just cause a huge political debate? Hahhaha, sorry not sorry! Really though, piss of Malcom Turnbull, you have no idea what you’re doing). But most of all, I would just like to say a big Happy Birthday to the best country in the world. Home of the kangaroo, unbeatable fashion choices, and the only place I ever have and ever will call my own.
Happy Australia Day everyone. Make it a good one.