You know what I realised today? I realised that I don’t have to hide scars, inside and out, just because I’m afraid of what people will think.
I was looking at the scars (and yes, don’t worry they ARE scars) on my wrist today and thinking about how everyday I’m in fear of people looking at them, people asking about them, people knowing that I’ve got shit going on. And then I realised that I shouldn’t have to be scared about this. Because the scars on my wrists are not scars that I should be embarrassed about. They’re scars I should be proud of. Because they show that I got through something and I survived something, because I haven’t self harmed in months. I can’t even remember the last time I properly self harmed. And I’m proud of that. So why should I have to hide my achievements just because I’m afraid someone’s going to think I’m fucked up and just another one of ‘those girls’.
So from now on, fuck that. I’m not going to hide my scars anymore. And if people stare and ask questions, I’ll tell them. These are my scars. These are my memories. These are marks that I can never get rid of but also marks I never want to forget. Because these marks remind me that I’ve survived and that I’m still here, walking on this earth. And to me, that seems like a pretty big achievement. So fuck anyone who thinks that I should hide them with makeup and bracelets and jumpers. It’s my body, and if you’ve got a problem with it, keep it to yourself.
And there are scars all over me that people can’t see. Scars on my legs, in my heart, on my brain. More scars that are permanent. And even though you can’t see those scars, I don’t want to have to hide them either. Because not all of them are scars. They’re fresh wounds. They’re sliced into my mind and my soul that I’m trying to desperately heal and I don’t need other people trying to bring me down for the small list of things that I’ve achieved.
1. Staying alive
2. Not harming myself
And that goes out to anyone else out there embarrassed about scars, whether they be inside or outside. Because you don’t deserve to live in fear for something good that you’ve done. So embrace yourself, love yourself, and fuck anyone who says otherwise.