My Very Philosophical Walk

Today my mum and I decided to go on a giant ass walk near my house which was around 10 kilometres. My mums been trying to lose weight so we went on this walk around a place where there’s a giant dam for drinking water for my city and also a huge area of like a nature reserve around it. The walk we went on started at the water area (the foreshore) and ended at this tiny little dam where people go to bird watch and stuff. And the reason I’m telling you about this is because I had some sort of weird philosophical experience on this walk about a couple of things and so I really wanted to share that with you. I also took a load of photos for my dad because he wanted to come with us but couldn’t and I’ll share those with you too.

The first thing I realised is that god, Australia is such a fucking beautiful country. I used to have this stigma in my mind that Australia is just dry bush and desert and that it’s horrible. But on this walk and in the midst of autumn, I’ve realised how beautiful this country is.

What I find most amazing about Australia is how you can walk, let’s say a kilometre, and during that kilometre you can walk into an entirely new environment. On our walk we started in kind of a typical Australian bush area with the eucalyptus trees and the bushes and sort of dry grass and stuff. But then merely like 500 metres away was an entirely new environment. We walked down a bit into a protected shady area and you could instantly feel the changes. It cooler, more humid, wetter. The plants were greener, there was different plants growing, everything felt completely different. Then yet again another 500 metres or so was this super open area where it was sunny and grassy and there was cute little river which you could walk across on these big rocks. And then it went back to being sort of generic Australia for a while but then a little later we got to this bit where it was shady again and it got cooler and the gum trees were super tall and quite close together and everything was completely silent. It was just amazing. Then we kept walking some more and we got to a bit that felt like we’d walked into the desert. It wasn’t necessarily hot but it felt dry and the grass was kind of dry and the dirt was red. But then legit only 200 metres away there was the end of the walk with the bird watching stuff and it was sort of like a wetlands environment. It was muddy and there was long grass and barely any tress.

It just boggles me how in literally only 3 hours we walked through about 5 different sorts of environments just in one tiny area of Australia. It’s crazy. It’s completely changed my perspective about my country. I used to always think how beautiful England was because it was so green and the trees were so nice but I never stopped to look at my own country and see its beauty. Sure, England is beautiful but Australia is too. They’re just different types of beauty.

And so here’s some photos I took along the way. Sorry if they’re a bit crap but yeah. Enjoy!

  
So the second thing that I realised while on this walk is a bit deeper. For a long time I’ve had the mindset that I was going to commit suicide. I did not when or how but I just knew that one day I would. Well, before we went on our walk I fell into the black hole of YouTube as I’m sure many of you have and was watching a bunch of videos about suicide. I came across one about what it’s like to lose someone to suicide and as I was watching I started replacing the people in the video with people in my life.

The mum who’d lost her daughter was MY mum. The sister who’d lost her sibling was MY sister. The best friend who’d lost their friend was MY best friend. And I began to realise, as I listened to their stories and feelings, that I could never do that to anyone. I could never ever bring myself to do something like that and then cause people so much pain. The mum talked about how she sometimes wanted to join her daughter and kill herself and that one really hit me. To think that my death could cause someone to take the same path as me is horrific. There was another video that I watched about a guy who jumped off the golden gate bridge but survived and what he said was that as soon as his hands left the railing and he started falling, he instantly regretted it. And all the other golden gate bridge survivors have said the exact same thing. And so, while I was thinking about that on the walk, I decided that I would not kill myself. I decided that no matter how much it hurt and how desperate I was, suicide was not the answer. And the same goes for anyone reading this contemplating suicide. There are so many other things you can do to help yourself. I know that you may not want to do them and that it might be really really hard but you just have to trust me that there is another way that you can get through it. And we can do it together. If you ever want to talk to me about something you’re going through, I would be so open to giving some advice or even just being there to listen. If you don’t even want me to make any comments or have opinions on what you have to tell me, then say so and I will just read what you have to say. And please, watch the videos that I watched. They helped me so much and I hope that they can help you too.

Video 1

Video 2

My email is jagsonline6@gmail.com if you want to talk. Don’t be afraid to tell me about anything because I promise you that I will not judge you or share your information.

I love you all so so much and it would break my heart into a million pieces if I lost even one of you to suicide. Because even one person matters. Every person matters. And that means that YOU matter.

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4 thoughts on “My Very Philosophical Walk

  1. I’m so happy to hear you say that you will never commit suicide.
    I did notice that you had “13 Reasons Why” on your reading list and I feel like you might want to stay away from reading it……
    I’m sure it’s a great story and some people should definitely see it or watch the show that came out. But for someone who has recently dealt with suicidal thoughts or are still going through it probably shouldn’t read/watch it. Even I wanted to watch the show but Shawn kept telling me to not watch it because he knew it would send me down the wrong path again…
    I love you! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand where you’re coming from but I’ve actually already read 13 reasons why AND watched the tv show. I know I probably shouldn’t have but somehow I ended up doing it anyway. While I think that watching and reading something like 13 reasons why could be really bad for someone struggling with suicide and depression, it was also really eye opening with being aware of things that you do or say to someone and that those things could affect that person in ways you didn’t realise. I wouldn’t recommend it to you, especially considering the recent stuff you’ve been through, but I think it might be good for someone who’s past suicide and depression and all that.
      Thanks so much though xx

      Liked by 1 person

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