So…uh…long time no see?
Okay, okay, enough dawdling. I’M SORRY. I’m aware that I have been away from this blog for a REALLY long time and I have many excuses lined up in my head to explain to you guys but really, it doesn’t matter why I was away, all that matters now is that I’m back!
Although, don’t hold me to that cause who knows if I’m going to get lazy again and forget that this blog exists.
Anyway, the reason I’m back on my blog today is because recently I’ve started to kind of accept something about myself that I’ve previously kind of pushed away or pretended was just a phase or something. And I don’t know, maybe it is a phase and I’m being a typical curious teenager, but either way it’s something that I wanted to talk to you guys about.
This feels weird for me to type and it’s making me feel really emotional for some reason…I guess I should just come out and say it…
I think I’m bisexual.
Oh god even just typing that was nerve wracking how the hell am I going to post this ahaha.
I don’t really know what else to say. I’ve watched and read so many coming out posts and videos where they go on and on about the relief they feel and how excited and nervous they are, and while yes, I do feel slightly nervous, this definitely isn’t a big deal to me.
I don’t really feel the need to come out to my friends and family, I might in the future but at the moment I feel no need to. I don’t know why but it really doesn’t feel like a big deal. It’s just another part of my identity. And not everyone needs to know every single thing about me so why should I tell them if I don’t really want to. Some of you may disagree with me on this, but really, I feel like my sexuality doesn’t define who I am or my personality. So what if I find girls attractive as well as guys? It doesn’t really matter.
I don’t even really know how I know that I might be bi. And I keep saying ‘might’ because I’m still not entirely sure. I’ve never been with a girl (I’ve never really properly been with a guy either though), I’ve definitely had my fair share of girl crushes, but I’ve never properly considered dating a girl in reality until recently. The thing is though, I can imagine myself very clearly with a girl in the future. And I think the time that I actually do come out to family and maybe some friends will be when I’m 100% sure that I am bi. At the moment I’m still kind of like, uh but do I REALLY want to date girls??? I don’t know my brain is just confused at the moment.
Strangely, the thing that motivated me to accept this part of myself was watching Orange Is The New Black. I watched the new season recently and missed the show so much that I decided to re-watch the whole thing and while I’ve been watching, I’ve kind of realised how much I would love being in a relationship with a girl. I feel like girls can understand each other so much better and it’s easier for girls to see when another girl is feeling down or to see when a girl is being moody cause she’s on period and understanding that. I feel like that kind of connection is something most people could never have with a guy and I personally think that kind of compatibility is really important in a relationship.
Going back to why I don’t feel the need to come out to anyone else, I just kind of feel like it’s not really relevant to my family at the moment because I’m 1) unsure, and 2) don’t have a girlfriend. Until I’m 100% sure and have actually experienced being with a girl, I’m probably not going to tell them. My reason for not really wanting to tell friends is a bit different to my reason for not telling family though.
At my school, being gay or bi, etc isn’t necessarily looked down upon but the people who are gay are definitely kind of outcasted sometimes and they’re seen as a bit weird or too queer. I feel like if I told even 1 friend who wasn’t Ash (I know she would never spread rumors or secrets about me) it would definitely get spread around the school and I would be SO uncomfortable with that. I don’t need people who I’m not friends with knowing my sexuality. As I said before, I just find that totally unnecessary. And I definitely think I would get treated differently. I would maybe consider telling Ash at some point but I definitely don’t think that it’s something I’ll be stressing about. I would probably only tell her spontaneously, like if LGBTQ+ subjects came up in our conversation or we were telling each other secrets or something like that. I think that if I’m ever going to come out to all my friends, I want to be out of high school and in uni or graduated from uni. High school is such a toxic place filled with so much hate and I’d rather not have to deal with any discrimination or drama along with the struggles of surviving as a teenager.
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to talk about in this post so I hope you enjoyed! I’m aware it was kind of random and out of the blue but hopefully I can get back into the swing of blogging soon. Please keep in my mind that everything I discussed in this post is MY opinion and I am in no way telling you that you shouldn’t come out to your friends and family or keep your sexuality a secret, I’m just saying that for me personally, I don’t want to. Do whatever makes you happy, my friends!
Thanks for reading!