For the first time in a really really long time I’m having those thoughts again. And I haven’t had them in so long but then I’m just not feeling the same anymore and I know I need help but I can’t oh god I can’t and then if I did who knows what the fuck would happen and I just can’t. No one really gives a shit they all say they do and act like they do but if they really did they would see and they would know but they don’t and I can’t. I constantly think about it what people would do how would they react and I’ve come to the conclusion that most people might shed a tear or two and feel sad for a week but then they’d move on and they’d forget and no one would care anymore. I’m so self destructive I even sometimes wish that my parents hated me and that they’d leave me alone so I could destroy my body and my mind without feeling any guilt or being scared. I just don’t know and I don’t want to and I just want the thoughts to stop and for everything to just stop because I can’t I’ve cried so many times tonight and I WANT IT TO FUCKING STOP JUST STOP.