May Reading List!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I often over estimate how much I can read in a month so I’m going to set a smaller reading list for this month.

 

The list:

  • Silver Stars by Michael Grant

The summer of 1943, World War II. The Germans have been bloodied, but Germany is very far from beaten. The North African campaign was only the beginning of the long journey for Frangie, Rainy, Rio, and the millions of other Allies.

Now the American army is moving on to their next target: the Italian island of Sicily. Frangie, Rainy, and Rio now know firsthand what each of them is willing to do to save herself—and the consequences. With their heavy memories of combat, they will find this operation to be even tougher.

Frangie, Rainy, and Rio also know what is at stake. The women are not heroes for fighting alongside their brothers—they are soldiers. But the millions of brave females fighting for their country have become a symbol in the fight for equality. In this war, endless blood has been spilled and millions of lives have been lost, but there could be so much more to gain.

The women won’t conquer Italy alone. But they will brave terrible conditions in an endless siege; they will fight to find themselves on the front lines of World War II; and they will come face-to-face with the brutality of war until they win or die.

  • Cinder (The Lunar Chronicles #1) by Marissa Meyer

Sixteen-year-old Cinder is considered a technological mistake by most of society and a burden by her stepmother. Being cyborg does have its benefits, though: Cinder’s brain interference has given her an uncanny ability to fix things (robots, hovers, her own malfunctioning parts), making her the best mechanic in New Beijing. This reputation brings Prince Kai himself to her weekly market booth, needing her to repair a broken android before the annual ball. He jokingly calls it “a matter of national security,” but Cinder suspects it’s more serious than he’s letting on.
Although eager to impress the prince, Cinder’s intentions are derailed when her younger stepsister, and only human friend, is infected with the fatal plague that’s been devastating Earth for a decade. Blaming Cinder for her daughter’s illness, Cinder’s stepmother volunteers her body for plague research, an “honor” that no one has survived.
But it doesn’t take long for the scientists to discover something unusual about their new guinea pig. Something others would kill for.

  • The Unexpected Everything by Morgan Matson

Andie had it all planned out. When you are a politician’s daughter who’s pretty much raised yourself, you learn everything can be planned or spun, or both. Especially your future. Important internship? Check. Amazing friends? Check. Guys? Check (as long as we’re talking no more than three weeks).

But that was before the scandal. Before having to be in the same house with her dad. Before walking an insane number of dogs. That was before Clark and those few months that might change her whole life. Because here’s the thing—if everything’s planned out, you can never find the unexpected. And where’s the fun in that?

 

I’m super excited about all these books and I’m really looking forward to reading all these and sharing my thoughts.

Happy reading!

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April Book Reviews!

Okay holy crap I read some bloody good books this month and I’m so excited to share my opinions with you. I didn’t read many, for some reason it took me a long time to get through one of these books, even though it was my favourite. Anyway, lets get into it.

The list:

  • The One Plus One by Jojo Moyes

One single mom. One chaotic family. One quirky stranger. One irresistible love story from the New York Times bestselling author of Me Before You

Suppose your life sucks. A lot. Your husband has done a vanishing act, your teenage stepson is being bullied and your math whiz daughter has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you can’t afford to pay for. That’s Jess’s life in a nutshell—until an unexpected knight-in-shining-armor offers to rescue them. Only Jess’s knight turns out to be Geeky Ed, the obnoxious tech millionaire whose vacation home she happens to clean. But Ed has big problems of his own, and driving the dysfunctional family to the Math Olympiad feels like his first unselfish act in ages… maybe ever.

  • 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher

You can’t stop the future.
You can’t rewind the past.
The only way to learn the secret… is to press play.

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a strange package with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker—his classmate and crush—who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice tells him that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

Clay spends the night crisscrossing his town with Hannah as his guide. He becomes a firsthand witness to Hannah’s pain, and as he follows Hannah’s recorded words throughout his town, what he discovers changes his life forever.

  • The Book Thief by Marcus Zusack

It’s just a small story really, about among other things: a girl, some words, an accordionist, some fanatical Germans, a Jewish fist-fighter, and quite a lot of thievery. . . .

Set during World War II in Germany, Markus Zusak’s groundbreaking new novel is the story of Liesel Meminger, a foster girl living outside of Munich. Liesel scratches out a meager existence for herself by stealing when she encounters something she can’t resist–books. With the help of her accordion-playing foster father, she learns to read and shares her stolen books with her neighbors during bombing raids as well as with the Jewish man hidden in her basement before he is marched to Dachau.

This is an unforgettable story about the ability of books to feed the soul.

 

You may notice that there are two books missing from the original list. Yeah…they’re the ones I didn’t end up reading. I’m sorry but I have so many assignments due at the moment! I hate to say this but…I have barely any time for reading anymore.

Anyway, lets get onto the reviews.

 

The One Plus One:

When I started this book I wasn’t instantly hooked and I felt a bit skeptical about how much I would enjoy this book. It felt slow and a bit weird and at first I couldn’t really figure out the writing style or where the story was going but as it progressed I found myself loving it more and more. By the end of the book I didn’t want it to end and I was begging for more. 

When they first got out on the road trip I thought that the whole thing with the car was a bit boring and nothing would really happen that was that exciting. 

***SPOILER***

 

 

And the outcome was pretty obvious, they were going to get together. But one thing that I didn’t expect, was that Tanzie wouldn’t win the maths competition. I thought she would’ve had that competition in the bag. But I think the second time she did it she would’ve aced it. 

 

 

***SPOILER ENDED***

 

 

But throughout the story as they did more and more weird stuff and had such intimate experiences with each other, the concept of the story just became amazing to me. And I really felt for both of them. I really wanted both of them to be happy. And i think when you start caring about a fictional character, you know the authors done a good job. Because it’s hard to create an emotional attachment between the reader and a character, but by doing that it makes the story 10 times better and I’m so happy that Jojo Moyes was able to achieve that. She is truly an amazing writer and I plan to read many more books by her in the future. I would highly recommend reading ANY of her books and I could almost guarantee that you’ll enjoy it. 

So yes, I would definitely recommend this book and I had a really good time reading it. 

Rating: 4/5 

 

13 reasons why review:

I’m writing this review quite a bit after I read 13 reasons why but I’ll try to give you as best a review as possible. 

For some reason, I’d never gotten round to reading 13 reasons why before the show came out. And I planned to read it before I watched the show but then curiosity got the best of me and I watched the first episode. And as soon as that episode ended, I was completely hooked. I watched the whole series in about 3 days. It was so goooood. And once I finished the series, I decided that I would read the book because I’d heard so many people saying that the show was completely different to the book. 
First of all, yes the show is very different from the book but I think it’s a good difference. In the show we get to see more in depth about the other characters but the book leaves it open to our imagination. That was one of the things I loved most about the book. It didn’t just straight out tell you that something big had happened and it didn’t describe events blandly and matter-of-factly. It sort of took its time to tell you what was going on and I think that it worked really well in this book. It means we can create theories and expectations about all the shit that’s happening and then we can find out if we were right or not. I think it made the book much more enjoyable. 
It was also really suspenseful which always makes a good book if done well. And Jesus Mary and Jospeh, it was done well. I literally could not help myself. I HAD to keep reading. At 12 o’clock at night I found myself saying “just one more page”, “okay, one more then I’ll go to sleep”, “I’ll just finish this chapter”. It was a never ending story. I just couldn’t put it down. At one point I was actually concerned that it was glued to my hands. 
One thing that I was surprised about though, was that not at one point in the book did I cry. I’m not sure if that was intentional or I was just heartless when I was reading it, but I don’t think I cried. Not even when…
 
***SPOILER ALERT***
 
 
 
…The last tape ended and Hannah had just left mr porters office. I don’t think I even cried when Bryce sexually assaulted her. I don’t know maybe I’m just a stone cold rock. 
 
 
 
***SPOILER ENDED***
 
I also just want to say that this book holds some really deep and meaningful messages that could change a persons view forever. Like those who are bullying someone, people who’ve recovered from bullying or mental illness. But I don’t think this is a book that should be read if you’re suffering from mental illness. I think it could really damage you and halt your progress in recover. I’ll admit, I probably shouldn’t have watched or read 13 reasons why because it did make me a bit depressed for a while. Not so much the book, but more the show when…
 
 
 
***SPOILER ALERT***
 
 
 
…Hannah slits her wrists. It made me really want to self harm so while that scene was playing I had to cover my eyes with my hands because I knew that it would make me depressed. It was extremely graphic and I honestly don’t think that it was necessary to be so confronting. While I understand that they were trying to get a message across, they could have done it in a much less violent and graphic way. And someone who was watching who was suicidal or depressed could have been really affected by that. To be fair, they did have a trigger warning at the start, but I didn’t follow that because I didn’t expect it to be so graphic and I’m assuming a lot of other people wouldn’t have as well. It probably also gave people ideas on how to commit suicide which I’ve experienced before and it’s super bad. 
 
 
 
***SPOILER ENDED***
 
 
So yeah overall, I LOVED the book but I really don’t think it’s for everyone. Always take into account your mental state when reading a book like that and I think for this particular one, it’s not best for victims of depression. 
 
Rating: 5/5


The book theif review:
This was 100% one of the best books I’ve ever read. I can’t flaw it in anyway, except maybe that it was quite drawn out. But I don’t mind cause that means I get to read more of Markus Zusacks writing which is just fucking AMAZING.
You know you’ve read a good book when you find yourself actually missing having that book on your bedside table and reading it at night.
I don’t exactly know why I loved this book so much but for some reason, I really connected with it and became slightly obsessed with it. Not obsessed in a way where I couldn’t stop reading it, more obsessed in the way that I found myself really engaged in the story. I actually took my time reading this book, kind of to let it sink in and sort to lengthen the amount of time I got to read it for.
I think I legit cried for a whole chapter. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever read.
***SPOILER ALERT***
The bits that got me most was when Liesel sees Rudy and kisses him and asks him to wake up. I was legit sobbing. And then when Alex Steiner, Rudy’s dad, comes home to all of his family dead I seriously died inside. He survived through the war but his family who were safe at home didn’t. I actually couldn’t breath in that bit it was so sad. It freaking broke my heart.
***END OF SPOILER***
The writing in this book is so special and unique and I love the authors style. The point of view of death was also really interesting and different. The character development and dialogue was also amazing. You could feel each characters personalities in the ways they talked and how their mannerisms were described. I honestly think that Markus Zusack is one of the best authors of our time. There’s so many things I loved about this book I can’t even put it into words. The most I can say is READ THIS BOOK. It’s seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read and you will not regret reading it. I think this is actually my favourite book now, and if that’s not enough for you then I don’t know what is.
Rating: 5/5

 

 

Sorry about some of the weird formatting, wordpress hasn’t been working too great on my laptop recently and it wouldn’t let me change it. My deepest apologies, friends.

Anyways, there you go! Those were the books I read in April. I’ll be posting the May reading list tomorrow.

Happy reading!

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Explaining My Breakdown and Getting Some Help

I’m sorry about the other day guys. I was just having a really shit night and I don’t think I was fully THERE if you know what I mean. I was kind of hallucinating and I felt really out of it. I don’t even remember half the things I wrote. And I don’t have much of a desire to go back and read it. I don’t even know what caused all this. I was so happy and everything was fine but then I got from school and I felt so depressed and I was craving self harm so bad. I didn’t want to give in. I really didn’t want to do it again because I’ve been clean for months and I didn’t want to throw away all that progress. But I did and now I’ve got fresh cuts on my body and I feel so numb and I’m faking a smile and I don’t even care anymore. No one cares. But the worst thing is that I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed self harming which is so bad but I did. I missed it. But it also sucks. But I still want more. Ugh I hate this it’s like my mind is split in two and they’re both yelling at each other and they won’t slow down to just let me think for a minute. I’m zoning out like every 5 minutes and literally there’s nothing wrong with my life right now. I have parents who love me and a big healthy family and I have friends and a house and food and so many things that I don’t even need but yet my brain is still telling me “your life sucks. Your life sucks. Be sad. Be sad. Hate yourself. Hate yourself.” Maybe I have a chemical imbalance in my brain I don’t know but I just want it to go away. 

I felt so numb and tired and I seriously could barely lift my fingers, due to the many many typos in that post. I’m usually so pristine with my posts and I hate typos and stuff but I don’t know I just lost all interest when writing that one. 
I’m finishing this off a few days later and I’m the period of time between them, something big has happened. 

It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time but never had the nerves to. And that is…talking to someone. Literally. That’s it. But it’s not just that. I found this the most daunting thing in the entire world and I was so nervous about it I actually thought I was going to vomit. So the night after I wrote that thing where I was a bit crazy, I was being really quiet in the car on the way home from school and I think my mum noticed and knew that something was wrong. She asked me how school was and what I did. I replied with ‘it was fine’ and that was it. 

Mum: how are you?

Me: fine

*pause*

Mum: are you alright? Is everything okay at school

Me: yes

*another pause*

Mum: are you sure?

*no reply*

*mum takes my hand*

Mum: talk to me. What’s going on?

*no reply*

Mum: Jags?

*no reply*
I didn’t reply for so long because I was trying to get the words out of my mouth but I physically couldn’t. They were stuck inside of me and I couldn’t get them out. And then I started to cry. 
Mum: don’t cry, just tell me what’s wrong

Me: in school we’re learning about mental health

Mum: okay

Me: and we were talking about some of the symptoms and stuff

Mum: mhm

Me: and it’s like…some of the stuff…I’m like…that’s me
And then I started fully bawling. And I expected her to be shocked or overly sympathetic or instantly worried but she wasn’t. She just said…
Mum: okay. In what way?

Me: like anxiety and depression stuff
And so the conversation went on. We talked for another half an hour while driving home and she was so good with everything. She just asked me questions and gave me my own time to answer. She didn’t shove answers in my mouth or tell yes or no or that’s wrong or you’re over reacting. She just listened and tried to help. And it’s made me love her even more. 

She told me we can look into finding a counsellor or something at my school who I can talk to when I need to which I’m so looking forward to. But my favourite thing about the whole night was the last thing she said about the topic:

“Let’s make you happy again” and kissed my hand. 

I don’t know why but it made me feel safe. Like I could rely on her and let her make all the really tough decisions. And now I’m not carrying around this dead weight of a secret that has been making me feel like absolute shit for the last 2 years. I feel so free and like I can tell her anything now. 

If only I’d known how well my family would take it earlier then maybe this whole mental health thing wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. But you know. That’s the way things go. 

If you’re out there struggling with mental health I urge you to speak up because it made me feel so much better and I already feel like my mental state is improving because of it. You don’t have to straight away tell your parents either. Talk to a friend you trust or a sibling or a teacher or go online and find a place to talk about your feelings. 

And remember, you can get through it. Anyone can. You just have to hold on and wait for the storm to pass. 

I love you all. Stay safe and happy and remember I’m always here. Always. 

i don’t even know but kill me

lol just wrote this should probs put a disclaimer cause this shit is really depressing and it talks about suicide and all that fun shit and if you get triggered by that stuff then don’t read this sorry to those will read this and fucking hate me forever.

I’m at a really low point right now. I have no idea why but I just feel so numb and so tired of life. I’m craving self-harm right now. I just want to feel something. I want to see cuts and bruises on my skin. Something to make me feel human again. I feel so zoned out I’m not even sure exactly what I’m typing right now. Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense at all and the punctuation is really shit but I’m just feeling so depressed. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even know why I’ve suddenly gone down hill. I was feeling so happy and care free today. Just like the past few weeks. I haven’t been feelig bad at all in the lkke past month. God I’m dnding it really difficut to lfit my fingers right now I feel lke I can barely even move. my Muscels and everything are so numb I can’t even be botered to go ack and edit this. I’m normally so careful with typos and shit but tbh i just dont care right now. Jesus crhist i dont want to break my streak of being clean. ihaven’t self harmed ib so long but its  all i really want right now. i really need it. fuck i said i wouldnt do this and look at me now im just being such a fyckig stupud dramatic bitch i cant even write blog posts properrly . what the  fck is wrong with me. Oh great and now im crying why am i suchh a fuckibg wuss ishould be able to deal with this shit. i just cant anymore. i cant even lift my arm.s kill menow just fucking kkill me now. i dont deserve anything i just want to die fuck kill me fuck fuck fuck. my stomach is tightening and i feel like im gonna cvomit but i know i wont causse i have nno reason to.b i didnt even go for a run today and i ate so much chocolate im so bad fuck me kill me just fucking kill me i dont want to live kill kill kill/my eyes cant even focs on anything now im just writin gthis blindly i dont know whats happening but im gonna go annd sepfnharm now cause im a    oitoenbiitch who cant handole anything and i dnt want to be fucking like this anymre k bye.

Anzac Day – We Will Remember Them

Two blog posts in one day. Shit. Aren’t I great?

Anyway the reason I’m posting this quick post is because today in Australia it is Anzac Day. If you don’t know what Anzac Day is; 1) how uncultured of you and 2) you can look at the post I did last year here where I explained what it was about.

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for all that the Australian and New Zealander soldiers did for us. If it weren’t for them our country would not be the same as it is today. So for that, I am eternally grateful.

I did this last year, but I’m going to do it again. Below here is the well-known poem that is often recited at Anzac ceremonies so please read through it and afterwards, if you’re feeling compassionate, have a minute of silence for yourself just as every Australian and New Zealander did across the nation today.

 

We shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old,

Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn,

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them

Lest we forget

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My Very Philosophical Walk

Today my mum and I decided to go on a giant ass walk near my house which was around 10 kilometres. My mums been trying to lose weight so we went on this walk around a place where there’s a giant dam for drinking water for my city and also a huge area of like a nature reserve around it. The walk we went on started at the water area (the foreshore) and ended at this tiny little dam where people go to bird watch and stuff. And the reason I’m telling you about this is because I had some sort of weird philosophical experience on this walk about a couple of things and so I really wanted to share that with you. I also took a load of photos for my dad because he wanted to come with us but couldn’t and I’ll share those with you too.

The first thing I realised is that god, Australia is such a fucking beautiful country. I used to have this stigma in my mind that Australia is just dry bush and desert and that it’s horrible. But on this walk and in the midst of autumn, I’ve realised how beautiful this country is.

What I find most amazing about Australia is how you can walk, let’s say a kilometre, and during that kilometre you can walk into an entirely new environment. On our walk we started in kind of a typical Australian bush area with the eucalyptus trees and the bushes and sort of dry grass and stuff. But then merely like 500 metres away was an entirely new environment. We walked down a bit into a protected shady area and you could instantly feel the changes. It cooler, more humid, wetter. The plants were greener, there was different plants growing, everything felt completely different. Then yet again another 500 metres or so was this super open area where it was sunny and grassy and there was cute little river which you could walk across on these big rocks. And then it went back to being sort of generic Australia for a while but then a little later we got to this bit where it was shady again and it got cooler and the gum trees were super tall and quite close together and everything was completely silent. It was just amazing. Then we kept walking some more and we got to a bit that felt like we’d walked into the desert. It wasn’t necessarily hot but it felt dry and the grass was kind of dry and the dirt was red. But then legit only 200 metres away there was the end of the walk with the bird watching stuff and it was sort of like a wetlands environment. It was muddy and there was long grass and barely any tress.

It just boggles me how in literally only 3 hours we walked through about 5 different sorts of environments just in one tiny area of Australia. It’s crazy. It’s completely changed my perspective about my country. I used to always think how beautiful England was because it was so green and the trees were so nice but I never stopped to look at my own country and see its beauty. Sure, England is beautiful but Australia is too. They’re just different types of beauty.

And so here’s some photos I took along the way. Sorry if they’re a bit crap but yeah. Enjoy!

  
So the second thing that I realised while on this walk is a bit deeper. For a long time I’ve had the mindset that I was going to commit suicide. I did not when or how but I just knew that one day I would. Well, before we went on our walk I fell into the black hole of YouTube as I’m sure many of you have and was watching a bunch of videos about suicide. I came across one about what it’s like to lose someone to suicide and as I was watching I started replacing the people in the video with people in my life.

The mum who’d lost her daughter was MY mum. The sister who’d lost her sibling was MY sister. The best friend who’d lost their friend was MY best friend. And I began to realise, as I listened to their stories and feelings, that I could never do that to anyone. I could never ever bring myself to do something like that and then cause people so much pain. The mum talked about how she sometimes wanted to join her daughter and kill herself and that one really hit me. To think that my death could cause someone to take the same path as me is horrific. There was another video that I watched about a guy who jumped off the golden gate bridge but survived and what he said was that as soon as his hands left the railing and he started falling, he instantly regretted it. And all the other golden gate bridge survivors have said the exact same thing. And so, while I was thinking about that on the walk, I decided that I would not kill myself. I decided that no matter how much it hurt and how desperate I was, suicide was not the answer. And the same goes for anyone reading this contemplating suicide. There are so many other things you can do to help yourself. I know that you may not want to do them and that it might be really really hard but you just have to trust me that there is another way that you can get through it. And we can do it together. If you ever want to talk to me about something you’re going through, I would be so open to giving some advice or even just being there to listen. If you don’t even want me to make any comments or have opinions on what you have to tell me, then say so and I will just read what you have to say. And please, watch the videos that I watched. They helped me so much and I hope that they can help you too.

Video 1

Video 2

My email is jagsonline6@gmail.com if you want to talk. Don’t be afraid to tell me about anything because I promise you that I will not judge you or share your information.

I love you all so so much and it would break my heart into a million pieces if I lost even one of you to suicide. Because even one person matters. Every person matters. And that means that YOU matter.

April Reading List!

If you don’t already know, I’ve started creating monthly reading lists in which I write down all the books I want to read in that month and once I finish them, I write reviews to share with you at the end of the month.

This month I’m probably going to be reading a lot more as it’s the end of term 1! Whoop, whoop, holiday time! Okay, I don’t know what that was…anyway, let’s get into the list!

The list:

  • One plus one by Jojo Moyes
  • 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher
  • The Book Thief by Marcus Zusack
  • To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
  • How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff

I’ve already started reading One Plus One, but I’m not very far into it yet. I’m quite enjoying it, although I’ve still got a long way to go.

Happy reading!

Reading: One Plus One

Page: 76

Thoughts: I feel so sorry for this family aw no 

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