The Years To Come

Life is moving by so quickly.

In merely 9 days I’m going to be 15. 15! It’s such a small number, yet it seems so enormous and encompassing. I’ve been on this Earth for 15 years. 15 years where I’ve seen tragedy, joy, illness, destruction, actions of kindness that only occur every so often and everything in between. Hell, I even remember when nobody worried about climate change and everyone said things like “that won’t happen in my lifetime”. Look at the world now. I wonder what those people are thinking now.

In 5 weeks, semester 2 is going to start. It’s going to be term 3. That means that we are almost half way through the year.

It’s going to be June in 3 days. We only have 6 months left of 2017. Why do I feel like I’ve done nothing in that time? In 6 months you could be in your second trimester of pregnancy. In 6 months you could have traveled the whole of Europe. You could do so many things in 6 months but here I am sitting in my bedroom and all I have to show for 6 months are some crappy paintings, mediocre grades and a fucked up ankle.

Side note: Oh yeah by the way last weekend I fell over at netball and stuffed my ankle up so I had to go to hospital and get x rays and shit and they told me that I tore some really big ligaments in my foot which sucks and they said that if it doesn’t heal properly then I won’t be able to play netball ever again which I am sort of panicking about because netball is my escape and I love it with a passion so I can’t give it up. Okay deep breaths ha that was a long old sentence.

On June 3rd I’m going to be in Queensland. I’m going to Cairns and then Port Douglas which are cities up around the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and we’re going snorkeling and we’re gonna walk through the rain forests. It’s gonna be so fucking fun. I’ll definitely write a blog post for you guys about it when I get back.

At the end of this year I’ll be going on year 9 camp where we go to Sydney and basically do like a mini Amazing Race sort of thing.

I’m going to a Harry Styles concert in Sydney in December.

I’m going to an Ed Sheeran concert in March 2018.

I’m going to be in year 10.

I’m going to be 16

I’m going to learn to drive.

I’m going to graduate from high school.

I’m going to be in college (by the way college in Australia is year 11 and 12, not university).

I’m going to be in year 11.

I’m going to be a senior.

I’m going to be 17.

I’m going to get my P plates.

I’m going to get a job.

I’m going to be in year 12.

I’m going to be 18.

I’m going to be able to drink alcohol.

I’m going to graduate.

I’m going to go to university.

All of the stuff that I’ve listed above is all the shit that’s going to happen in the next 3 and a half years. 3 and a half fucking years. That’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. But yet, these next 3 and a half years are going to be the craziest years of my life so far.

And to be honest, I’m looking forward to it.

But I’m also a little scared.

But that’s okay. Because being scared means that you’re self aware. It means that you know that not everything is going to be perfect and you’re going to make mistakes and there’s going to be times when everything really fucking sucks. But you’ll get through it. And I know that because if you’re still here, alive right now, living on this Earth, then you’ve gotten through everything else.

So why couldn’t you get through this?

 

 

April Book Reviews!

Okay holy crap I read some bloody good books this month and I’m so excited to share my opinions with you. I didn’t read many, for some reason it took me a long time to get through one of these books, even though it was my favourite. Anyway, lets get into it.

The list:

  • The One Plus One by Jojo Moyes

One single mom. One chaotic family. One quirky stranger. One irresistible love story from the New York Times bestselling author of Me Before You

Suppose your life sucks. A lot. Your husband has done a vanishing act, your teenage stepson is being bullied and your math whiz daughter has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you can’t afford to pay for. That’s Jess’s life in a nutshell—until an unexpected knight-in-shining-armor offers to rescue them. Only Jess’s knight turns out to be Geeky Ed, the obnoxious tech millionaire whose vacation home she happens to clean. But Ed has big problems of his own, and driving the dysfunctional family to the Math Olympiad feels like his first unselfish act in ages… maybe ever.

  • 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher

You can’t stop the future.
You can’t rewind the past.
The only way to learn the secret… is to press play.

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a strange package with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker—his classmate and crush—who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice tells him that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

Clay spends the night crisscrossing his town with Hannah as his guide. He becomes a firsthand witness to Hannah’s pain, and as he follows Hannah’s recorded words throughout his town, what he discovers changes his life forever.

  • The Book Thief by Marcus Zusack

It’s just a small story really, about among other things: a girl, some words, an accordionist, some fanatical Germans, a Jewish fist-fighter, and quite a lot of thievery. . . .

Set during World War II in Germany, Markus Zusak’s groundbreaking new novel is the story of Liesel Meminger, a foster girl living outside of Munich. Liesel scratches out a meager existence for herself by stealing when she encounters something she can’t resist–books. With the help of her accordion-playing foster father, she learns to read and shares her stolen books with her neighbors during bombing raids as well as with the Jewish man hidden in her basement before he is marched to Dachau.

This is an unforgettable story about the ability of books to feed the soul.

 

You may notice that there are two books missing from the original list. Yeah…they’re the ones I didn’t end up reading. I’m sorry but I have so many assignments due at the moment! I hate to say this but…I have barely any time for reading anymore.

Anyway, lets get onto the reviews.

 

The One Plus One:

When I started this book I wasn’t instantly hooked and I felt a bit skeptical about how much I would enjoy this book. It felt slow and a bit weird and at first I couldn’t really figure out the writing style or where the story was going but as it progressed I found myself loving it more and more. By the end of the book I didn’t want it to end and I was begging for more. 

When they first got out on the road trip I thought that the whole thing with the car was a bit boring and nothing would really happen that was that exciting. 

***SPOILER***

 

 

And the outcome was pretty obvious, they were going to get together. But one thing that I didn’t expect, was that Tanzie wouldn’t win the maths competition. I thought she would’ve had that competition in the bag. But I think the second time she did it she would’ve aced it. 

 

 

***SPOILER ENDED***

 

 

But throughout the story as they did more and more weird stuff and had such intimate experiences with each other, the concept of the story just became amazing to me. And I really felt for both of them. I really wanted both of them to be happy. And i think when you start caring about a fictional character, you know the authors done a good job. Because it’s hard to create an emotional attachment between the reader and a character, but by doing that it makes the story 10 times better and I’m so happy that Jojo Moyes was able to achieve that. She is truly an amazing writer and I plan to read many more books by her in the future. I would highly recommend reading ANY of her books and I could almost guarantee that you’ll enjoy it. 

So yes, I would definitely recommend this book and I had a really good time reading it. 

Rating: 4/5 

 

13 reasons why review:

I’m writing this review quite a bit after I read 13 reasons why but I’ll try to give you as best a review as possible. 

For some reason, I’d never gotten round to reading 13 reasons why before the show came out. And I planned to read it before I watched the show but then curiosity got the best of me and I watched the first episode. And as soon as that episode ended, I was completely hooked. I watched the whole series in about 3 days. It was so goooood. And once I finished the series, I decided that I would read the book because I’d heard so many people saying that the show was completely different to the book. 
First of all, yes the show is very different from the book but I think it’s a good difference. In the show we get to see more in depth about the other characters but the book leaves it open to our imagination. That was one of the things I loved most about the book. It didn’t just straight out tell you that something big had happened and it didn’t describe events blandly and matter-of-factly. It sort of took its time to tell you what was going on and I think that it worked really well in this book. It means we can create theories and expectations about all the shit that’s happening and then we can find out if we were right or not. I think it made the book much more enjoyable. 
It was also really suspenseful which always makes a good book if done well. And Jesus Mary and Jospeh, it was done well. I literally could not help myself. I HAD to keep reading. At 12 o’clock at night I found myself saying “just one more page”, “okay, one more then I’ll go to sleep”, “I’ll just finish this chapter”. It was a never ending story. I just couldn’t put it down. At one point I was actually concerned that it was glued to my hands. 
One thing that I was surprised about though, was that not at one point in the book did I cry. I’m not sure if that was intentional or I was just heartless when I was reading it, but I don’t think I cried. Not even when…
 
***SPOILER ALERT***
 
 
 
…The last tape ended and Hannah had just left mr porters office. I don’t think I even cried when Bryce sexually assaulted her. I don’t know maybe I’m just a stone cold rock. 
 
 
 
***SPOILER ENDED***
 
I also just want to say that this book holds some really deep and meaningful messages that could change a persons view forever. Like those who are bullying someone, people who’ve recovered from bullying or mental illness. But I don’t think this is a book that should be read if you’re suffering from mental illness. I think it could really damage you and halt your progress in recover. I’ll admit, I probably shouldn’t have watched or read 13 reasons why because it did make me a bit depressed for a while. Not so much the book, but more the show when…
 
 
 
***SPOILER ALERT***
 
 
 
…Hannah slits her wrists. It made me really want to self harm so while that scene was playing I had to cover my eyes with my hands because I knew that it would make me depressed. It was extremely graphic and I honestly don’t think that it was necessary to be so confronting. While I understand that they were trying to get a message across, they could have done it in a much less violent and graphic way. And someone who was watching who was suicidal or depressed could have been really affected by that. To be fair, they did have a trigger warning at the start, but I didn’t follow that because I didn’t expect it to be so graphic and I’m assuming a lot of other people wouldn’t have as well. It probably also gave people ideas on how to commit suicide which I’ve experienced before and it’s super bad. 
 
 
 
***SPOILER ENDED***
 
 
So yeah overall, I LOVED the book but I really don’t think it’s for everyone. Always take into account your mental state when reading a book like that and I think for this particular one, it’s not best for victims of depression. 
 
Rating: 5/5


The book theif review:
This was 100% one of the best books I’ve ever read. I can’t flaw it in anyway, except maybe that it was quite drawn out. But I don’t mind cause that means I get to read more of Markus Zusacks writing which is just fucking AMAZING.
You know you’ve read a good book when you find yourself actually missing having that book on your bedside table and reading it at night.
I don’t exactly know why I loved this book so much but for some reason, I really connected with it and became slightly obsessed with it. Not obsessed in a way where I couldn’t stop reading it, more obsessed in the way that I found myself really engaged in the story. I actually took my time reading this book, kind of to let it sink in and sort to lengthen the amount of time I got to read it for.
I think I legit cried for a whole chapter. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever read.
***SPOILER ALERT***
The bits that got me most was when Liesel sees Rudy and kisses him and asks him to wake up. I was legit sobbing. And then when Alex Steiner, Rudy’s dad, comes home to all of his family dead I seriously died inside. He survived through the war but his family who were safe at home didn’t. I actually couldn’t breath in that bit it was so sad. It freaking broke my heart.
***END OF SPOILER***
The writing in this book is so special and unique and I love the authors style. The point of view of death was also really interesting and different. The character development and dialogue was also amazing. You could feel each characters personalities in the ways they talked and how their mannerisms were described. I honestly think that Markus Zusack is one of the best authors of our time. There’s so many things I loved about this book I can’t even put it into words. The most I can say is READ THIS BOOK. It’s seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read and you will not regret reading it. I think this is actually my favourite book now, and if that’s not enough for you then I don’t know what is.
Rating: 5/5

 

 

Sorry about some of the weird formatting, wordpress hasn’t been working too great on my laptop recently and it wouldn’t let me change it. My deepest apologies, friends.

Anyways, there you go! Those were the books I read in April. I’ll be posting the May reading list tomorrow.

Happy reading!

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Explaining My Breakdown and Getting Some Help

I’m sorry about the other day guys. I was just having a really shit night and I don’t think I was fully THERE if you know what I mean. I was kind of hallucinating and I felt really out of it. I don’t even remember half the things I wrote. And I don’t have much of a desire to go back and read it. I don’t even know what caused all this. I was so happy and everything was fine but then I got from school and I felt so depressed and I was craving self harm so bad. I didn’t want to give in. I really didn’t want to do it again because I’ve been clean for months and I didn’t want to throw away all that progress. But I did and now I’ve got fresh cuts on my body and I feel so numb and I’m faking a smile and I don’t even care anymore. No one cares. But the worst thing is that I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed self harming which is so bad but I did. I missed it. But it also sucks. But I still want more. Ugh I hate this it’s like my mind is split in two and they’re both yelling at each other and they won’t slow down to just let me think for a minute. I’m zoning out like every 5 minutes and literally there’s nothing wrong with my life right now. I have parents who love me and a big healthy family and I have friends and a house and food and so many things that I don’t even need but yet my brain is still telling me “your life sucks. Your life sucks. Be sad. Be sad. Hate yourself. Hate yourself.” Maybe I have a chemical imbalance in my brain I don’t know but I just want it to go away. 

I felt so numb and tired and I seriously could barely lift my fingers, due to the many many typos in that post. I’m usually so pristine with my posts and I hate typos and stuff but I don’t know I just lost all interest when writing that one. 
I’m finishing this off a few days later and I’m the period of time between them, something big has happened. 

It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time but never had the nerves to. And that is…talking to someone. Literally. That’s it. But it’s not just that. I found this the most daunting thing in the entire world and I was so nervous about it I actually thought I was going to vomit. So the night after I wrote that thing where I was a bit crazy, I was being really quiet in the car on the way home from school and I think my mum noticed and knew that something was wrong. She asked me how school was and what I did. I replied with ‘it was fine’ and that was it. 

Mum: how are you?

Me: fine

*pause*

Mum: are you alright? Is everything okay at school

Me: yes

*another pause*

Mum: are you sure?

*no reply*

*mum takes my hand*

Mum: talk to me. What’s going on?

*no reply*

Mum: Jags?

*no reply*
I didn’t reply for so long because I was trying to get the words out of my mouth but I physically couldn’t. They were stuck inside of me and I couldn’t get them out. And then I started to cry. 
Mum: don’t cry, just tell me what’s wrong

Me: in school we’re learning about mental health

Mum: okay

Me: and we were talking about some of the symptoms and stuff

Mum: mhm

Me: and it’s like…some of the stuff…I’m like…that’s me
And then I started fully bawling. And I expected her to be shocked or overly sympathetic or instantly worried but she wasn’t. She just said…
Mum: okay. In what way?

Me: like anxiety and depression stuff
And so the conversation went on. We talked for another half an hour while driving home and she was so good with everything. She just asked me questions and gave me my own time to answer. She didn’t shove answers in my mouth or tell yes or no or that’s wrong or you’re over reacting. She just listened and tried to help. And it’s made me love her even more. 

She told me we can look into finding a counsellor or something at my school who I can talk to when I need to which I’m so looking forward to. But my favourite thing about the whole night was the last thing she said about the topic:

“Let’s make you happy again” and kissed my hand. 

I don’t know why but it made me feel safe. Like I could rely on her and let her make all the really tough decisions. And now I’m not carrying around this dead weight of a secret that has been making me feel like absolute shit for the last 2 years. I feel so free and like I can tell her anything now. 

If only I’d known how well my family would take it earlier then maybe this whole mental health thing wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. But you know. That’s the way things go. 

If you’re out there struggling with mental health I urge you to speak up because it made me feel so much better and I already feel like my mental state is improving because of it. You don’t have to straight away tell your parents either. Talk to a friend you trust or a sibling or a teacher or go online and find a place to talk about your feelings. 

And remember, you can get through it. Anyone can. You just have to hold on and wait for the storm to pass. 

I love you all. Stay safe and happy and remember I’m always here. Always. 

Anzac Day – We Will Remember Them

Two blog posts in one day. Shit. Aren’t I great?

Anyway the reason I’m posting this quick post is because today in Australia it is Anzac Day. If you don’t know what Anzac Day is; 1) how uncultured of you and 2) you can look at the post I did last year here where I explained what it was about.

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for all that the Australian and New Zealander soldiers did for us. If it weren’t for them our country would not be the same as it is today. So for that, I am eternally grateful.

I did this last year, but I’m going to do it again. Below here is the well-known poem that is often recited at Anzac ceremonies so please read through it and afterwards, if you’re feeling compassionate, have a minute of silence for yourself just as every Australian and New Zealander did across the nation today.

 

We shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old,

Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn,

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them

Lest we forget

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Crappy English Teachers, Body Image and Anxiety Chat

I haven’t written a post in a while – mostly due to lack of creativity – but I thought why not do it now as I’m bored as fuck. I’m literally sitting in the school bathroom right now to get away of my demon of a English teacher who I actually could murder if I was compelled enough. We had an assignment due today and holy fucking shit she needs to calm her ass. When I told her I was a little bit over the word limit she was like ‘no you have to be on it exactly’. But I’d already edited all I could out of it and if I took anymore out it would just sound shit. So I just death glared her, said ‘fine’ and deleted the whole end of my assignment so it was in the world limit. Suck on that you fucking bitch ass of a woman. She needs to take that giant stick out of her ass and realise that no one actually gives a fuck about year 9 English and no one cares about your lengthy speeches you like to bestow upon us. And every time I ask to go to the toilet and I say ‘may I go to the bathroom please?’ Like we were taught to in primary school, she back chats and tells me ‘it’s called a toilet’ and gives me this fucking obnoxious glare that makes me want to slap her. Earlier when I asked I literally rolled my eyes at her and walked out of the class without even waiting for her to say that I could. Jesus Christ I hate her. I had her in year 7 as well and I literally learnt shit all that whole year. I’ve asked my mum if I can move from her class and she said maybe, if they accepted my reasoning. I just dread going to her class and I really really want to move. Hopefully I’ll get to. Another thing that I want to touch on (I can’t remember if I told you guys this or not? If I have, hang in there) is that I’ve been having a lot more panic attacks than I usually do. I haven’t had one too recently but last week I had two panic attacks two days in a row and it was not fun. They were mostly because of my body image and I just felt incredibly ugly and fat and like I would never be pretty and skinny like other girls. But this morning as I was having a shower I looked at myself in the mirror (and don’t think me self centred for this) and thought ‘I feel beautiful’. So what if I have a different body type? I’m a bit bigger and curvier than other girls but I’m not fat. If someone I didn’t know looked at me they probably wouldn’t think ‘wow that girl is fat’ they would probably just think I looked like a regular girl. So what I have smaller boobs than most? So what my stomach sticks out a bit more? So what I have wider thighs? If I’m happy and I feel good about myself then that’s okay. 

A lot of the time I don’t feel good about myself and I do want to lose weight. And I think I probably always will want to lose weight but I want to do it in a way that makes me happy. 

I think I’m going to make a post about my weight loss because it’s something I want to do to make me feel good but I also need the determination to do it and I think that support from you guys will really help me. 

I don’t really know what this post was, sort of just a chat, but I hope you enjoyed!

Sorry for my unplanned hiatus but I’ve just been extremely lazy and I do have a lot of half-done posts that I will eventually get round to sharing with you guys, just stay with me okay? Okay. Cool. 

Lastly, sorry for forgetting to do my little book update things at the end of my posts. I’ve finished Because You’ll Never Meet Me and A Thousand Pieces Of You. I’m now onto Ten Thousand Skies Above You. 

Reading: Ten Thousand Skies Above You


Page: 155


Thoughts: where is this going? Ugh the suspense is killing me. 

Jags xxx

The Sims Book Tag!

Today I’m going to be doing the Sims Book Tag! Thanks to Kate Gold @ teengirlmeetsworls for nominating me to do this 🙂

As most of you will know by now, I have an insane book obsession so when Kate nominated me to do this I was like, uh yes please, so here I am, doing this wonderful wonderful tag. Enjoy!

The rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to their blog
  • Answer all the questions
  • Nominate as many bloggers as you want
  • Link to the creator of this tag: Hailey @ Hailey In Bookland

Let’s get into it!

The Original Sims: the best author debut

When I read Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon a few months ago, to be honest I was blown away. I legit read this book in one sitting, I just couldn’t put it down! To this day it’s still one of my favourite books and I’m so freaking excited for the movie to come out in May *girly squeal*.

The Grim Reaper: saddest character deaths

*SPOILER ALERT – spoilers will be in italics/brackets*

I have so many character deaths that I was sad about holy crap there’s too many to count. Let me list a few. When we were two (holy shit his brother ahhhhh), this is where the world ends (I SOBBED FOR THREE HOURS AFTER SHE COMMITTED SUICIDE OH MY LORD), all the bright places (again, the freaking suicide! And how she found him!!! Oh my lord I’m getting teary again), looking for Alaska (that was legit the saddest thing. And he freaking loved her!! And it’s like this whole mystery and ahhh I can’t) and Frankie (don’t even get me started about her brother. I couldn’t stop sobbing after reading that it was the worst). I have a LOT more but I won’t bore you with them today.

Simlish: a book with amazing writing

A more recent one I read was The Ship Of Brides by Jojo Moyes. In the beginning I was sceptical because it was really slow and nothing was really happening but as the story progressed I was just like YES YES YES GIVE ME MORE. 

Expansion Packs: a series where the books keep on getting better

I haven’t read a proper series in a long time (although I am planning to read some in the future) but one that I remember reading that was really good was A Series Of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I think I read them when I was like 11, and although it was EXTREMELY long (like 12 books. I’ll pray for you if you try to read them all), it was really really good. I remember the lead up to the ending being so tense and when the plot twist happened it was so satisfying because I’d been waiting freaking 12 books for it to finally happen. But yeah that was super good. Another I loved when I was younger was the Percy Jackson and Heroes Of Olympus series’. I had a stage where I was obsessed with fantasy books and greek/roman mythology was one of my all time favourites. I would definitely recommend reading those three series if you’re into that sort of thing 🙂

Sim Romance: the worst case of insta-love

To be honest, literally every teen romance book ever. One that stands out though, hence the name, is The Boyfriend List where this chick literally fell in love with guys because he once smiled at her in the hallway or some crap like that. She was so boy obsessed it was insane. Still a good book though.

Cheats: a book that was entirely unrealistic

I’m reading a book at the moment called A Thousand Pieces Of You and it’s really good but the concept is completely unrealistic. It’s about dimension hopping and stuff. It’s super interesting and I love it but yeah, it’s probably not possible. 

Needs fulfillment: a character who made all the wrong decisions

When I read The Haters (which to be honest wasn’t the best book) all I could think the whole time was how shitty the main guy was at doing life. He needed to go to some 101 how to do life lessons with L or some shit because holy crap he was so incompetent. 

Error Code 12: a series that started off great but went downhill from there

Definitely The 5th Wave. I loved the first book so I went out to buy the second and third one but was extremely disappointed. I struggled through the second one but didn’t even bother trying to finish the third one. I got halfway through and I still haven’t finished it after about 3 years. 

The Sims Vortex: a book/series that completely engrossed you

When I love a book, I LOVE a book. I read it in 1-2 days and become obsessed with it for about a month, voicing my opinions over everyone. There’s a fair few books that had me in that state but one that stands out right now is Front Lines. It was one of the most amazing, thrilling books I’ve ever read. It was adventurous, romantic, action packed, everything that anyone could hope for. The second one called Silver Stars comes out this year and I’m just waiting in anticipation so I can go on another rampage about it. 

I nominate:

 

Thanks for reading, friends! Hope you enjoyed 🙂

Jags xx

 

A New Project

I’ve had this idea buzzing around in my head for awhile now, and as it’s something I’m very interested in, I thought why not just do it.

I would like to start something where I review movies/tv shows or books once a week, perhaps on a wednesday. So basically I would ask for some movie or tv show recommendations (preferably ones that are on Netflix) and then as I watched I would take some notes about the movie or show and at the end compile it together and give it a rating. For books I think I’ll do something slightly different. I will read a book of my choice and when I’m done I will basically just give a review of it.

Let me know what you think of this idea!

And please leave some movie or show recommendations below so I can start doing these posts next week or the week after!

Thanks, my lovelies.

Jags xx